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How to face divorce

Written by

Liz Edwards

Published on

May 21, 2015

Facing the prospect of separation, civil partnership dissolution or divorce can be a horror story. There are so many practical and emotional considerations to take into account, and you may be feeling confused and anxious about the future. It’s important to remember you’re not alone, and that many other people have gone through similar circumstances and come out the other side. Shared experiences can go a long way to making your journey feel less lonely – hopefully the advice offered by our Family Law team will help you when it comes to having to face divorce.

Below you can find some tips that our Family law experts have offered, covering both practical and emotional matters.

  • Don’t try to be friends too soon

    Your reactions, impulses, needs and interests will be different. You need a safe distance from each other to conduct the business, set the rules and boundaries that will allow you to move into a parenting partnership and to see if a new friendship might flourish.

  • Write a Parenting Plan that speaks directly to your children

    If you start out with “To Pat and Laura,” you are more likely to write a plan with your kids’ best interests in clear focus. Picture them reading it. If they are old enough, share it with them. Show them you are working as a team, from the beginning, on their behalf.

  • Write everything down

    Do not assume either of you will remember by the agreement no matter how friendly things are. Get it all in writing in a coherent plan and agreement so nobody ‘forgets’ or acts out. Especially with issues of money and parenting, the more details are in writing the better. For example, if you live in the same area and are comfortable with the non-custodial spouse or co-parent visiting during non-visiting times or if you are agreeing to a degree of flexibility, write it down.

  • Time Outs: Outline clear and effective consequences

    Probably you will need to agree on what happens if one person does not follow through. Like with parenting, you need to know what is going to happen to those who break the rules.

  • Resist old patterns

    Part of the relief of divorce is you are no longer responsible for your partner’s insecurities, self-hatred and wacked relationship with his /her family, professional disappointments or any other despair you had to live with. You both are released so be released. Resist the urge to give or seek old patterns of support.

“The first thing I would advise on a practical level is to check what benefits you are entitled to by going on to check your benefit entitlement and also to protect any money you have in a joint bank account” – Sophie

How much does divorce costs?

If you’re divorcing or dissolving your civil partnership, you’ll want to know how much it’s likely to cost. Some costs, such as court fees, are fixed. Others, such as legal fees, will depend on how much legal advice you take and what the solicitor charges. You may be able to get help with the costs.

How much are court fees?

If you’re getting divorced or dissolving your civil partnership, you or your ex-partner (husband, wife or civil partner) will have to pay court fees. You have to pay them whether you sort out the divorce or dissolution yourself or use a solicitor to help you. Court fees vary depending on where in the UK you divorce or dissolve your civil partnership.

“If children are involved get a book you can write in and log all the contact daddy has with the child including collection and drop off times as this can be used by the solicitor when looking at contact arrangements.” – Claire

Face divorce with the help of our Family law team

We know divorce is one of the toughest moments in life and that’s why we will adapt ourselves to your specific circumstances if you decide to book an initial fixed fee meeting with us. As members of Resolution, we are committed to doing whatever we can to help you resolve issues constructively. Our Family Law team are based across our offices in Crystal Palace, Bromley, and West Wickham, and are also available for video and telephone appointments. We are here to help!

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