Estella Newbold-Brown, partner and head of our family law department, discusses the behaviour of a narcissist and what to do if you decide to end a relationship with one.
Narcissists are extremely self-involved people that ignore the needs of those around them. They also do not understand the impact that their behaviour is having on other people.
Narcissism is a trait, but it can also be part of a larger personality disorder. This is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and people who are at the highest end of the spectrum are classified as having NPD whilst others who show narcissistic traits, may be at the lower end of the spectrum. As a family practitioner, it is all to often that I see my clients being in a relationship which has broken down due to the other person displaying signs of NPD.
People who show signs of narcissism can often be very charismatic and charming; and quite often they do not display negative behaviour immediately. They often build superficial relationships, reinforce ideas about themselves, and surround themselves with people who feed their ego.
Narcissist traits
- Narcissists have a sense of entitlement – Narcissists often believe that they are superior to others, that the rules don’t apply to them, and that they deserve special treatment.
- Narcissists are manipulative – A very common trait in narcissists is coercive control or manipulative behaviour. They can lack empathy for others, cannot identify their feelings, try to please and impress you, but essentially always put themselves first. Narcissists will often keep a certain distance to maintain control.
- Narcissists need to be admired – One of the most common signs of a narcissist is their constant need for admiration and praise. They will expect their partner to acknowledge their achievements, appearance and talents and will often brag and exaggerate accomplishments for recognition. They will need to feel appreciated by their partner and for their partner to not disagree with them.
- Lack of empathy – Living with a narcissist is likely to make you recognise that the other person is unwilling or unable to empathise with your needs, wants or feelings. This also makes it very difficult for them to take responsibility for their own behaviour.
What should you do if you wish to end a relationship with a narcissist?
The long-term impacts of being in a relationship with a narcissist are incredibly difficult. Many say that it affects their self-esteem and their relationships with their family and friends. Whilst it can be hard to be in a relationship with a narcissist, it can be even harder ending one.
Leaving a controlling personality is far from easy; you may be used to your partner doing things their way and managing all aspects of the relationship. If this is the case, then taking the lead in ending the relationship may be a frightening prospect for you.
Something that may help to make that first step less daunting is to talk to a solicitor. They can help you to understand your legal rights. Knowing where you stand legally is likely to provide you with the support and guidance needed to confirm your decision. It takes a great deal of self-confidence and self-knowledge to end a relationship and speaking with friends, family and obtaining counselling should also provide support.
How we can help
At Amphlett Lissimore, our family law team offer a fixed-fee first meeting where they discuss with you your circumstances, what your end goal is and how best to get you there. These meetings can be done face-to-face, over video call or by telephone appointment. They are completely confidential, and our family law specialists will follow up on the meeting with a letter that outlines everything that was talked about during the appointment.
We understand that divorce can be difficult and upsetting at the best of times, but when the respondent to your application has narcissistic traits, the whole process can be even more emotionally and mentally draining for all involved. Our family lawyers are here to support you. We are specialists in family law and understand the importance of keeping the whole process moving and your end goal in sight.
If you would like to book a fixed-fee first meeting with one of our family law team, please call 020 8771 5254 or complete the enquiry form below.